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Lazy Ass

Thought I’d drop in today and tell you the true story about the laziest guy I ever dated.

When I met him (and throughout our short relationship), he was overweight.  It didn’t bother me, after all, nobody’s perfect, but he told me it bothered him.  He had a juicer and used to do 1-2 day juice fasts occasionally, but he never exercised.  I will be the first to say exercising sucks, but doing a juice fast once a month will NOT help you lose weight, especially if you eat crap.  He and his roomies did.  There were takeout food containers (with food in various states of decay) literally covering every surface in the kitchen and the coffee table and filling the fridge – they never cooked.
He wouldn’t work out, even though the apartment complex he lived in had an exercise room.  It wasn’t the best, but it was SOMETHING.  Not only that, it was in the same area as the laundry room.  I told him it was perfect: put in your laundry, and workout while it’s getting clean.  Two birds with one stone.
But he hated doing laundry.
Laundry isn’t anyone favorite thing, but sooner or later you HAVE to do it.  Unless you are unbelievably lazy.  And this is where that comes into play.
I needed a new mouse for my laptop, and he had seen some at Ross.  So we went there, and he wandered off while I looked for a mouse.  I found a cute tiny one that was purple, so I got that, and some earbuds in the shape of little skulls, then went off in search of him.  I found him in the bedding aisle looking at sheets.  He had a package in his hand and said, “I think I’m gonna get these.”  He hadn’t said anything about needing or wanting sheets, but whatever.  He HAD, however, talked about needing to wash his sheets but he didn’t want to.  I said, “With these and your other sheets, you’ll have nice full load.  But wash it in cold in case the colors in the new sheets run.”
He looked at me like I was nuts.  Turns out he was buying new sheets so he wouldn’t have to wash the ones he was using.  He would just put the new sheets on and deal with the dirty ones “later”.
I said, “You can’t do that.  When the sheets are packaged, the put chemicals on them to make them look nice and wrinkle-free in the package.  You NEED to wash them first.”
He argued with me, “No I don’t!”  I pointed to the front of the package where it said, “Wash Sheets Before Using”.
That made him really mad, and guess what?  He didn’t buy the sheets and complained for the rest of the day.
The boy was so lazy, that he would rather drive to the store and waste money buying new sheets than wash the ones he already had.