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Tales From the Funeral Home

It’s true, I live across the street from the backdoor of a mortuary.  And let me tell you, when you have nothing better to do than look out your kitchen window at any given time, you…see some shit.
I have seen the casket company deliver the “new models”.  The place is actually called Batesville Casket Company.
I have also seen the hearse pull up to the back door and unload a gurney.  With a body bag on it.

One day, I nearly had a heart attack.
I saw two young people wheeling a gurney out the back door WITH A BODY ON IT.  No body bag, no sheet, just a body.  I watched as the fought and struggled with the gurney to get the legs to collapse so they could put it in the back of the hearse, while the body on it was jostled about.  Then, when they finally succeeded, the body SAT UP and high-fived them.  I guess they were in training for something.

So yeah, if the zombie apocalypse happens (there is also another mortuary about 2 blocks away), we are screwed.

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Author:

Wrote an op-ed column called Glamourpussycat / Fire & Ice for my college newspaper "The Chabot Spectator", and was the JACC Award Winning Writer First Place for Column Writing 2001. Wrote a steampunk serial "The Adventures of Captain Isabella" for the now defunct "Ladies of Steampunk" magazine. Was Captain Isabella von Pumpernickel on one season of KOFY-TV's "Creepy KOFY Movie Time". Born in March with a bad attitude. Crushing on Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flanery, and Balthazar Getty to name a few. Walking Dead/Talking Dead addict. Snail saviour. The only Hell my mama ever raised.

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